Impossible Circumstances
by Tigs
Summary: A Male pregnancy fic... yes, it's just as weird as it sounds. Very funny! Slash warning - Aragorn/Legolas. Flame if you wish, I'll just laugh then ignore you... Finally, another update!! Find out what the wedding dress looks like!!
1. Chapter 1

******  
  
Impossible Circumstances  
by TigerBabe  
  
******  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing, I am but a poor student, who lives off beans on toast. Suing me would be pointless... unless you want to deprive me of my beans on toast.   
  
Authors Notes & Warnings: Slash (A/L) resulting in male pregnancy (lol!), and some bad language. Proof of the fact I have a warped sense of humor. I was trying to write another chapter for my Fellowship Of The Fangirls fan fic, and for my Web Of Sorrow fic, but unfortunately, my brain went blank, and all I could think of was this.... you see, I decided that there just wasnt enough male pregnancy fics for Lord Of The Rings... and, at 2:30am I started to write... this is the result...  
  
******  
  
A month before the Fellowship was set to depart on their quest, Aragorn decided to go and meet with Legolas, as he had not seen him in ages. They had first met years ago when Aragorn was but a teenager, and they had seen eachother frequently during his youth. But as the years progressed, and times grew darker, their meetings dwindled and finally stopped almost 10 years ago.  
  
"It's been a while, my friend," Aragorn greeted Legolas as he approached the Elf. Legolas was sitting outside, on a bench beneith a weeping Willow tree, on the bank of a small stream that flowed with silvery water down the valley toward the river Bruinen. Legolas looked up at him and smiled.  
  
"Indeed," he replied. "Come Aragorn," he beckoned to the man, and patted the seat beside him, "Sit with me, and let us talk."  
  
Aragorn nodded and sat down beside him. A grin appeared on the Ranger's face.  
  
"Care for a drink?" he asked, pulling two champagne flutes and a bottle of the finest Elven wine availible from behind his back. Legolas laughed and nodded eagerly.  
  
"Of course!" he replied.  
  
Aragorn poured the wine into the glasses and handed one of them to Legolas.  
  
"A toast?" said Aragorn, "Lets see... to the quest for starters!"  
  
Legolas nodded with a grin - he knew where this was going. "To the Quest!" They clinked glasses and took a drink.  
  
"To the..." Legolas paused as he tried to think of something, "To the wine!" he said finally, "For without which, we'd not be having such fun and games!" he finished with a laugh.  
  
"To the wine!" Aragorn said before taking another gulp.  
  
This went on for about half an hour, until the bottle was empty, and various things such as trees, individual blades of grass, stars, and various articals of clothing had been toasted, and both man and elf were plesently drunk.  
  
"Hmm, what a pretty tree," Legolas wrapped his arms around the trunk of the weeping willow, "I love trees!"   
  
Legolas was in the 'I love everything' stage of drunkeness - "You, you pretty, nice elf!" - and so was Aragorn.  
  
"Not as pretty as you, cute human, hehehehe," Legolas started to giggle and covered his mouth with his hand, while slumping to the floor in a fit of hysterics.  
  
Aragorn moved over so he was next to the elf, before wrapping his arms around Legolas, "You're my bestestest friend you are!" he beamed while squeezing Legolas tightly.  
  
"I love you," said Legolas while hugging the human back just as tightly, "my favorite human!"  
  
"I love you too!" Aragorn replied with a hic-cough.  
  
The declarations of platonic love eventually developed into groping, and before long, they were doing naughty things in the limited privacy of the weeping willow branches.  
  
******  
  
7 Weeks Later - Moria  
  
******  
  
"Blleeeerrrrggghhhh, yrreeeeccchhhhh, bllerrrgghhhhhh," the sounds of Legolas throwing up echoed around the depths of Moria. The rest of the fellowship sat around covering their ears and grimacing that the disgusting sounds coming from the Elf.  
  
"I dont know whats wrong with me," Legolas whimpered, finally sitting down after emptying the contents of his stomach behind a pillar in the great hall. "Elves dont get sick," he said, starting to cry, "It's not fair," Legolas finally burst into tears, and grabbed hold of the nearest person - who happened to be Pippin - and hugging them while wiping his nose on the poor Hobbit's clothes.  
  
This had been going on for the past few days - the vomiting, backache, mood swings, and food cravings. If Legolas was a girl, the rest of the fellowship would have thought he was pregnant - but he was a man, no matter how girlish he looked, and therefore it would be impossible for him to be pregnant... right?  
  
Gandalf had had enough of this, and decided to find out for himself. He was beginning to doubt the "only women can be pregnant" theory due to the Elven Prince's recent health crisis.  
  
"Legolas," he said gently, so as not to trigger another mood swing (it seemed anything would trigger a reaction from him, be it violent of tearful), "Can I have a word with you?" Legolas nodded, and wiped his nose once more before getting up and letting go of Pippin. He walked off a short distance from the group with Gandalf.  
  
"Legolas, I'm going to ask you some personal questions, tell me now if you dont want me to," Gandalf told him.  
  
"Ask away," Legolas said, while nodding for him to continue.  
  
"Okay, firstly, when was the last time you had sex?"  
  
Legolas blushed and mumbled something quietly.  
  
"What was that?" Gandalf's hearing was pretty good all things considered, but no matter how good your hearing is, it's impossible to make out what an Elf says while mumbling.  
  
"Seven weeks ago," Legolas stated again.  
  
"With a man or a woman?" Gandalf asked.  
  
"... a man," Legolas's eyes were studying the floor, avoiding Gandalf's piercing gaze.. the floor was quite nice actually, it was black, but had some little red, gold and silver flecks - maybe gem stones and precious metals? Hmmm, Gimli should have a look at this, really he should...  
  
Gandalf nodded and stopped to think, and then spoke very slowly. "Do you think you could be pregnant?" he asked.  
  
Legolas's eyes shot up in shock and stared at him for a split second. He then burst out laughing - hysterically, might I add. "No way!" and "Impossible!" were the only words distiguishable from the jumble of sentances entwined with the laughter.  
  
He walked back to the rest of the group, and before long, sobs began to break through his hysterical laughter. He sat down next to Aragorn, still laughing.  
  
"Whats so funny?" Aragorn asked, noting the hysterical tone and the occational increasing amount of sobs mingled with the laughter.  
  
"Gandalf thinks I'm pregnant!" Legolas let out another burst of laughter, before desolving into tears. Then, as soon as they started, both laughter and tears stopped. He was completely quiet.  
  
"Oh fuck," he whispered as it dawned on him - it was the answer to his recent problems; the vomiting, the backache, the mood swings, the food cravings. Legolas's groaned, and held his head in his hands.  
  
"My father's gonna *KILL* me."  
  
******  
  
TBC... well, yes? no? maybe? dont know? shall I repeat the question? Am I seriously warped? (I think we all know the answer to that one...) Review, review! 


	2. Chapter 2

******  
  
Impossible Circumstances  
by TigerBabe  
  
******  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing, I am but a poor student, who lives off beans on toast. Suing me would be pointless... unless you want to deprive me of my beans on toast.   
  
Authors Notes & Warnings: Slash (A/L) resulting in male pregnancy (lol!), and some bad language. Proof of the fact I have a warped sense of humor.   
  
If I've used any British slang terms that you dont understand, mention the word in a review, and I'll tell you what they mean... I just cant help using slang terms, I'm so bloody common...  
  
******  
  
"Pregnant?!" Aragorn laughed, "You're joking! You *are* joking, arent you?"  
  
Legolas scowled at him, "I'm not joking, it's the only possible answer... I'm pregnant, knocked up, up the duff, got a bun in the oven..."  
  
"Okay, okay, we get the picture!" Frodo said, "But how?"  
  
"Well Frodo, I would have thought at your age you knew about the birds and the bees, but here goes..." started Legolas.  
  
"No!" Frodo quickly stopped Legolas from going into detail, "I know about the birds and the bees... but isnt it usually the female ones that end up preggers?" he asked.  
  
"That was the theory... unfortunately, it seems I am the exception to all the rules!" Legolas was on a roll, full on sarcastic mode, thanks to the mood swings.   
  
"Okay, this is gonnae sound wrong, but hey," Pippin started, having removed his snot covered jacket and placed it at the furthest side of the camp, "Who's the father? Or Mother... or, uhm... well, there's gotta be two people to, y'know, in order to get up the duff, so to speak... and, y'know, what with you being a guy n'all, I was wunderin' who the other person is..."  
  
Legolas groaned and hung his head, "I dont know if he'd want you all to know," he mumbled.  
  
"HE?!" Gimli, Boromir, Merry and Pippin exclaimed, before turning to the oddly quiet pair of Hobbits and other Human. "No reaction, Frodo? Sam?"  
  
Frodo shrugged, "I'm gay; it doesnt phase me."  
  
"Same here," added Sam.  
  
"Why arent I surprised?" asked Merry.  
  
"Because it was soooooo obvious, eejit!" Pippin clouted him across the head with his hand.  
  
Boromir then turned to Aragorn with an evil smirk, "What about you Aragorn, whats your excuse for not reacting?"  
  
Legolas butted in, "I think he'll react once it's finally sunk in... in about, 5, 4, 3, 2..."  
  
"ARWEN'S GONNA KILL ME!" Aragorn cried out in horror.  
  
"See?" said Legolas, still unmoving from his seat on the ground next to Aragorn.  
  
The rest of the fellowship turned to stare wide eyed, and mouths open, like fly catchers.   
  
"Of course, upon translation from 'Aragorn' to 'English' that little line does lose some of it's flare... what he means is 'I'm very pleased that Legolas is pregnant, and yes, thats right, I'm the father, and I care so much for my unborn child'" Legolas remarked, as he turned to Aragorn. Legolas then punched Aragorn in the stomach with all the strength he could muster.  
  
"You bastard! You did this to me!" Legolas cried out while punching and kicking at Aragorn, whom had curled up in a ball, unwilling to retaliate in fear of hurting the pregnant Legolas.  
  
After a couple of minutes, the rest of the fellowship decided that Aragorn had had what he deserved, and non-too-gently pulled Legolas off his badly beaten body.  
  
".... owww..." said Aragorn as he moved onto his back, "pain, hurts, everywhere... owww..."  
  
The rest of the group shrugged, and slung a blanket over him; he didnt look like he would be able to make it to where his bed had been laid out. They then decided to go to sleep for the night.  
  
After about 20 minutes, Legolas sat bolt upright and looked around. He soon spotted what he was after, and crawled over toward it.  
  
"Merry! Wake up!" Legolas shook the poor Hobbit in an attempt to wake him up.  
  
"What?!?!" Merry cried out half asleep.  
  
"I'm hungry, you're the best cook, make me something to eat," Legolas ordered.  
  
"Bog off," Merry replied, before lying back down, and pulling his blanket over his head.  
  
"Please Merry! Please! I'm starving here!!" Legolas whined.  
  
"FINE!" Merry shouted, slinging the cover off him, "What d'ya want to eat?" he asked. Worst mistake ever made, if you ask me.  
  
"Well... everything, I want mushrooms, and bacon, and eggs, and some bread to go with it, oh, and have you got any peas? Carrots? No? How about onions...?"  
  
In the end, Legolas ended up eating best part of the fellowship's supplies in one meal, and much to the dismay of poor Merry, he didnt let the helpful Hobbit have any of it.  
  
"You're a great friend, Merry, thanks!" Legolas said, heading back to his bedding with two bacon sandwiches, and an apple in his hands.  
  
After Legolas had finally finished his bacon sandwiches and his apple, he finally got to sleep, and drempt of various things, such as killing Orcs, without being killed himself, and of killing Aragorn for what the man had done to him. Damn humans.  
  
******  
  
TBC... review, review! Feed my insanity...! The more you review, the faster I shall update! 


	3. Chapter 3

******  
  
Impossible Circumstances  
by TigerBabe  
  
******  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing, I am but a poor student, who lives off beans on toast. Suing me would be pointless... unless you want to deprive me of my beans on toast.   
  
Authors Notes & Warnings: Slash (A/L) resulting in male pregnancy (lol!), and some bad language. Proof of the fact I have a warped sense of humor.   
  
Many people have asked in their reviews exactly how Legolas could become pregnant. Truthfully, I have no idea - I just thought a pregnant Legolas would look cute *giggles at mental image*... but, as so many of you have asked, I am currently devising a plot to cover that... all should be revealed in Lothlórien. (i.e. when I've figured out what the hell the plot is...)  
  
If this doesnt fit with the book I'm very sor... ah sod it, who cares? It's fiction dude, key word: *fiction*... and besides, my copy of LOTR is all the way at the other end of the room, and it's twenty past three in the morning, and I'm just too tired to move from the computer... maybe I should go to bed?... nah!  
  
Spelling errors? Most likely; it is 3:20am...  
  
******  
  
The following morning the fellowship were awoken to the sound of Legolas throwing up again, which as you can probably imagine, just isnt the most plesent way to wake up. Merry rolled over and looked at Legolas, who was hunched over leaning against a pillar, while emptying his stomach onto the floor in the same place he had the day before.   
  
"Bah, all that food gone to waste! If I'd known you were just gonna throw it up afterward Legolas, I'd never have made you any!" the young Hobbit moaned sleepily at him.  
  
Legolas finally stopped making lovely wretching sounds, and went back to sit with the fellowship as they packed their stuff away before continuing the journey.  
  
Before long, after just one stop to let Legolas throw up again, they made it to Balin's tomb.  
  
"Huh, dead dwarves," Legolas said as he glanced around the room. As Gimli was mourning, and Gandalf was reading from the journal, Legolas became faintly aware of a dull thumping sound. He passed it off as it just being himself - maybe he was developing a headache? Of course, once the dull thumping sound turned into what sounded like a teenager bashing hell out of a drum kit, he decided that it was definately not him.  
  
"Uhm, guys... whats that sound?" he asked, turning to everyone else.  
  
The rest of the fellowship, now fully aware of the beating of the drums ran to the door, and began to baracade it. Unfortunately, cave troll + wooden door = door in tiny splinters.  
  
Goblins began to pour into the room, and the fellowship fought them off as best they could.  
  
Legolas however, due to his supposedly impossible situation, soon had another mood swing. Quite a violent one, too.  
  
Legolas gave out a battle cry that sounded more like the battle cry of one of the Orcs, and tore through the offending goblins in a blind rage, firing arrows at point blank range into their heads, his hormonaly induced fury making short work of servents of Sauron. The rest of the fellowship stood back and watched him in awe as the adreneline rush over too him, and he fought to the limit.  
  
Aragorn turned to the rest of the group, "Remind me not to get into an argument with him while he's pregnant," he winced as he turned; it seemed Legolas might have broken one of his ribs, "definately no more fights..."  
  
The rest of the fellowship just sniggered at him.  
  
After Legolas had dispatched a good few dozen Orcs, they stopped attacking him, and instead, ran for it. Now, as any smart person would know, when scary things get scared, something really bad's gonna happen.  
  
Legolas raised an eyebrow at the retreating goblins before running over to the rest of the fellowship and asking, "What are you staring at? Lets *GO* people - move it!" He ushered them out the door, and broke into a run away from whatever had scared the Orcs.  
  
******  
  
A while later, still in Moria, at the Bridge of Kazad-dum.  
  
******  
  
"Gandalf! Hurry up!" cried out Frodo, as the Wizard stopped in the middle of the bridge.  
  
Gandalf turned to face the Balrog that approached. "You shall not pass!" he cried out, as he crashed his staff down upon the bridge, breaking it infront of him. The Balrog fell into the shadow. But as Gandalf let down his guard, and began to turn away, the Balrog's whip lashed up and grabbed a hold of the Wizard's legs, pulling him over the edge and into the shadow with him. "Fly, you fools!" he called out.  
  
The fellowship stood in shock for what seemed like minutes, but was in reality only a few seconds. Then, Aragorn grabbed a hold of Frodo, and dragged him along outside. The rest of the fellowship soon followed.  
  
Legolas sat and began to cry - yet another mood swing taking charge of his emotions.  
  
"It's not fair," he mumbled, hugging Frodo tightly.  
  
"I know Legolas, we're all upset over losing Gandalf," Frodo comforted the poor Elf.  
  
"No, it's not that," Legolas whimpered.  
  
Frodo arched an eyebrow, "What is it then?"  
  
"I havent got any food left," Legolas then burst into more tears, and began blowing his nose on the Hobbits sleeve.  
  
******  
  
TBC... Will Legolas find out how he became pregnant? Will he be able to cope with the loss of his food? Will he ever stop wiping his nose on Hobbit's jackets? What will Galadriel do when she finds out that her grand-daughter's boyfriend has cheated on Arwen with Legolas, and ended up getting the Elven Prince pregnant? Find out next time!... Review, review! 


	4. Chapter 4

******  
  
Impossible Circumstances  
by TigerBabe  
  
******  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing, I am but a poor student, who lives off beans on toast. Suing me would be pointless... unless you want to deprive me of my beans on toast.   
  
Authors Notes & Warnings: Slash (A/L) resulting in male pregnancy (lol!), and some bad language. Proof of the fact I have a warped sense of humor.   
  
Wow, lots of questions and comments! Thank you all for reviewing, and I'm glad you like it! Some notes for people:  
  
Spanish girl: Wow, lots of questions! lol! I'm gonna answer a few of them... but not all, as I dont wanna spoil the story! Legolas will survive the pregnancy, and so will the rest of the fellowship (although I think they'll be scarred for life after witnessing a guy give birth - hell, I would be). You can be the co-godmother of the baby, along with Zephyr. As you've suggested it, the baby will have grey eyes and blonde hair, because that just sounds so cute!  
  
Blueberry Pancakes: Ah, I cant tell you whether the baby is gonna be a boy or a girl, because by tradition, Elves dont like to know in advance... though, all will be revealed eventually :)  
  
MrsBloom: I'll try to tone down the morning sickness... but it's soooo much fun to write... hehehe...  
  
Lollipopbabe365: Legolas did nothing to me other than looking girlish enough to warrent becoming pregnant... and, I dont mean that in a bad way - I have an odd obsession with girly looking guys...  
  
And finally, sorry for the delay - I suffered writers block, and then went on Holiday. On the train home yesterday, inspiration suddenly struck. This was the result...  
  
******  
  
Later that day, having resumed their travel, the company arrived at Nimrodel. Legolas was in a particularly good mood, having been reassured before hand that they would get some food when they got to Lothlórien. This resulted in Legolas speeding up quite drastically, and having to be called to a halt a dozen times during the day's walk.   
  
Legolas looked at the stream and felt light hearted and happy. The smallest of things was effecting his mood now; a remark taken out of turn would result in tears, or a violent responce, and slight smells would result in him pining for food. Even he was getting irritated by his behavior. Once the company had cross the stream, Legolas turned back to it.  
  
"Ah, I feel like singing one of the songs of the maiden Nimrodel, an Elven woman who lived beside the stream long ago," Legolas opened his mouth to sing, but suddenly the urge to throw up over whelmed him. His eyes widened, and he clapped one hand to his mouth, gesturing wildly for everyone to get out of his way with the other. He moved quickly to the side of the stream, and promptly threw up in it. Everyone else grimaced and turned away.  
  
"Uurrgghhh," Legolas groaned as he stopped throwing up, and rinsed his face with some of the clean water.  
  
He stood up, and motioned for everyone to continue. And they did, with the grimaces still fixed on their faced.  
  
After a short while, they came across Haldir and his brothers, and climbed up some trees to spend the night there.  
  
"Whats wrong with you?" Haldir asked Legolas, "You look like death warmed up!"  
  
"You'll laugh if I tell you," Legolas said.  
  
"No I wont! I promise." Haldir replied.  
  
"Okay - I'm pregnant." answered Legolas  
  
The sounds of Haldir's laughter filled the woods, causing Legolas to hold his head in his hands.  
  
"See, I did say 'You'll laugh if I tell you,' but did you listen? Nooo..." Legolas was in full on moaning and complaining mood now, "My god its uncomfortable in this tree - dont you have any cusions?" he asked.  
  
Haldir raised an eyebrow at him, "You're telling the truth," he stated a-matter-of-factly as he stared at Legolas.  
  
"Of course I am! Why would I lie about being pregnant?!" Legolas hissed at him.  
  
Haldir flinched, "Sorry, didnt mean anything by it," he quickly appologised, "it's just that, y'know, guys dont usually end up pregnant."  
  
"Yes, I know that," Legolas rolled his eyes, "I'm hoping that Galadriel will be able to help me."  
  
Haldir nodded, "Well, best get some rest for tonight; we'll head out tomorrow to take you all to see the Lady Galadriel."   
  
Then, everyone went to sleep... well, all except Aragorn that was. He was wide awake, and biting his nails. Galadriel was going to seriously kill him; even more so than Arwen was. He was going to have the entire Elven population of Middle Earth after his blood. He was in no mood to sleep thanks to those prospects.  
  
******  
  
The Follwing Morning  
  
*****  
  
Legolas yawned, and stretched out in a very cat-like way. He sat up, and rubbed his eyes slightly. He was in a very good mood for a change; he didnt feel sick as he usually did in the morning, infact, he felt absolutely fantastic. He smiled brightly and climbed down the tree, to find the Hobbits sitting there cooking some food.  
  
Legolas frowned at them, "You know, you could burn yourself while cooking; why not let me do it?" he volunteered.  
  
The hobbits turned at stared at him.  
  
Legolas made his way over, and ushered the four Hobbits away from the fire. "It's very dangerous having open fires like this, boys," he sat them down in a row 2 foot away from the fire. He then turned back, and started to cook the bacon, eggs and bread that the Hobbits had obviously kept hidden from him while in Moria.  
  
When he was done, he dished the food out to each of the Hobbits, making sure they had fair shares each. "Careful now, it's hot!" he warned them.  
  
"Uhm, Legolas?" Frodo asked, as he glanced up from his food.  
  
"Yes Frodo?" Legolas said with a smile.  
  
"You know I'm 51 dont you? I'm not a child..." he said slowly, eyeing Legolas to make sure his words werent causing offence. "You dont need to look after us all like this.. we can.." Frodo stopped as Legolas's face turned upside down and tears began to form in his eyes. "It's not that we dont appreciate it, really!" he said, trying amend the damage before it was too late. Unfortunately, it was too late.  
  
"You dont care about me!" Legolas said, beginning to sob again, "I'm only trying to help, trying to make sure you're all safe, but no..." he paused and blew his nose, "You just reject me!" he started to cry again.  
  
All the Hobbits looked at eachother. Then Frodo made the mistake of putting his arm on Legolas's shoulder in a comforting move. Before he knew it, the poor Hobbit was being crushed to death in one of Legolas's extremely powerful hugs. He was also being covered in tears and having his shirt used as a tissue.  
  
"He-lp," Frodo managed to breath out to his friends, "Ca-nt br-ea-the". The other Hobbits looked at him with sad faces, and shrugged. Sam mouthed 'sorry' to him.  
  
Luckily, at that moment, Aragorn, Boromir, Gimli, Haldir and his brothers appeared from their trees, and pried Frodo from Legolas's tight grasp. Frodo thanked them profusely, and decided to make sure he kept a good distance from Legolas for the rest of the day.  
  
******  
  
TBC... R&R 


	5. Chapter 5

******  
  
Impossible Circumstances  
by TigerBabe  
  
******  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing, I am but a poor student, who lives off beans on toast. Suing me would be pointless... unless you want to deprive me of my beans on toast.   
  
Authors Notes & Warnings: Slash (A/L) resulting in male pregnancy (lol!), and some bad language. Proof of the fact I have a warped sense of humor.   
  
And so, as I've been sitting staring aimlessly at my computer screen while listening to Sweet Child O' Mine by Guns N' Roses (quite apt for the fic), I have decided to write more of this fic, as I havent updated it in AAAAGES.   
  
A couple of people have asked if I'll do the birth... and I will... eventually.  
  
Lantarmiel: You can indeed cameo... you'll either be in the next chapter, or the one after that (most probably the next one) - I have the perfect role for you! :)  
  
Mercuria: They will makeup... they will do other stuff... I wont go into details though... this is a PG-13 fic currently, afterall!  
  
qoo: You asked the question everyone was thinking, but were all afraid to ask... the birth of the baby shall be... disturbing. I've yet to figure out exactly how it's gonna happen... but I can assure you it's going to be disgusting, and really gross, and you'll be feeling ill for days after reading it. :D  
  
Also, Aragorn is beginning to get very protective of Legolas and the child now... see, he does care!  
  
******  
  
"I am NOT being blindfolded!" Legolas's voice ran clear through the woods of Lothlórien in reply to Aragorn's request that the pregnant Elf be blindfolded so that Gimli would also be blindfolded. He was starting to realise that it was a bad idea to request such a thing of Legolas.  
  
"I'm being blindfolded - Frodo, Sam, Merry and Pippin are being blindfolded, Boromir is being blindfolded, Gimli is being blindfolded... and so are you!" Aragorn was also beginning to lose his temper with the blonde beauty.   
  
Legolas furiously stamped his foot and put his hands on his hips, standing in a very lady-like way. The Hobbits began to chuckle quietly.  
  
"And what are YOU laughing at?" Legolas demanded, turning to the poor little Hobbits, who immediately coward  
  
"Legolas," Aragorn called, causing the Elf to spin around, making his hair flick around his shoulders, so that he looked like an extra from a Loréal advert. Legolas raised an eyebrow at the human, querying what he wanted.  
  
"Please," Aragorn's voice was now sugar sweet... so sugar sweet infact, it was almost sickly. "Everyone else is being blindfolded, and we all need to get going. So put your blindfold on, and lets get moving," Aragorn held the scrap of white cloth out to Legolas.  
  
Legolas looked at the cloth with distaste. Suddenly, an idea dawned on him. It was perfect, it was sure to work; he would make sure Aragorn wouldnt force him to wear a blindfold.  
  
"Aragorn," Legolas said quietly and sweetly, "surely you dont want me to wear this blindfold? I mean, what if I were to trip and fall? I could hurt the baby - OUR baby," he emphasised on the 'our' to pull on Aragorn's protectiveness, "And surely, if Lady Galadriel were to hear that you had unnecessarily put your child in danger, she would be angry... more angry than she will be just from hearing about the fact you cheated on Arwen with me, and now I'm pregnant!" He shouted the last part at Aragorn, hoping that it would scare him, and make him let Legolas walk without a blindfold.  
  
Unfortunately for Legolas, his plan didnt work. It only succeeded in making Aragorn angry at him.  
  
Aragorn grabbed Legolas's wrist, and pulled him over. He then took the blindfold, but instead of placing it over the Elven Prince's eyes, he used it to gag Legolas, while mumbling words along the lines of "damn Elves," and how they "cant keep their big mouths shut."  
  
Legolas's eyes burned with fury as he looked at Aragorn. 'He will pay for this,' the Elf thought to himself. Unfortunately, (or fortunately, depending on which way you look at it) Legolas's mood took another swing, and he stopped being angry.  
  
Tears welled up in his bright blue eyes, and his anger crumbled. He looked at Aragorn with pleading eyes as the tears began to roll. Aragorn was unable to resist the Elven prince looking to helpless and sad... he had to... no, he mustnt... but he had no choice... he looked into those eyes again, and felt his resolve liquidise. Muttering to himself about having willpower the strength of a wet paper towel, he ungagged and pregnant Elf.  
  
Legolas, seemingly having forgotten that it was Aragorn who gagged him in the first place, latched onto the poor human, and hugged him tightly.  
  
------  
  
After a little while, Aragorn finally managed to get Legolas to put the blindfold on, after the tears had subsided enough for Legolas to do so.  
  
Haldir lead the group through the Forest toward the city, occationally sniggered or giggling whenever he glanced at Legolas. Legolas tried to glare each time he heard the laughter, but it was pretty tricky to do so with a blindfold covering his eyes.  
  
After a good while, they came into the city, and had their blindfolds removed. Haldir instructed them to go up some steps, and that they would reach a chamber at the top of them where the Lady Galadriel was waiting for them.  
  
So, up the stairs they went, though they did have to stop half way up when Legolas started complaining of backache, and demanded a massage.  
  
Pippin offered to walk on Legolas's back, but Aragorn had picked him up by the collar before he managed to set foot on the Elf. "Stand on Legolas, and die," I believe were the correct words Aragorn used, but they were hissed and growled so badly, I cant be sure.  
  
After Legolas had a quick backrub from Frodo (who did so while on the recieving end of some rather nasty glared from Aragorn), they picked up the climb again. When they finally reached the top, they found themselves in a bright white chamber, with beautiful Elven carving on the walls and ceiling. Of course, Legolas would have loved this had he noticed, however he was too busy complaining that he was hungry so much that one would have mistaken him for Pippin, that he missed all the beautiful archetecture.  
  
Then, Galadriel appeared at the top of some stairs leading into the main area of the chamber.  
  
She began to walk down the stairs, looking into the eyes of each of the Fellowship as she walked.  
  
Her eyes fixed on Legolas for a second, and then moved on. Suddenly, she stopped, and her eyes returned to Legolas. She looked confused for a second, and then he eyes widened.  
  
"OH-MY-GOD!" [1] were the words that first escaped her lips, as she was focused on the Elven Prince. Aragorn winced, and the rest of the fellowship began to think about coming back later. Legolas just looked up, and shrugged at her.  
  
******  
  
TBC...  
  
[1] Think Janice in Friends, lol! 


	6. Chapter 6

******  
  
Impossible Circumstances  
by TigerBabe  
  
******  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing, I am but a poor student, who lives off beans on toast. Suing me would be pointless... unless you want to deprive me of my beans on toast.   
  
Authors Notes & Warnings: Slash (A/L) resulting in male pregnancy (lol!), and some bad language. Proof of the fact I have a warped sense of humor.   
  
I was bored, and started writing... I figured you all had waited long enough for this one.  
  
Also, for those of you who have been reading my Middle Earth Community School fic, I'd like to let you all know that that fic is on hiatus at the moment, while I totally rework it. Hope you dont mind, but I'd prefer it if it made a little more sense, and was more Middle Earthy.  
  
I'd also like to say that as I'm writing this, I'm listening to Lady Marmalade by Christina Aguilera, Pink, Mya and Lil' Kim. Just wanted to share that fact.  
  
Any and all spelling errors are mine alone. I do not use spellchecker, for it is witchcraft! Witchcraft, I tell you!  
  
******  
  
"OH-MY-GOD!"  
  
As the other members of the fellowship slinked away, Celeborn's face filled with puzzlement.  
  
"What is it?" Celeborn asked his wife cluelessly.  
  
"He's-he's-he's..." Galadriel seemed to have momenterily lost the ability to form sentences, so she paused and took a deep breath. "He's pregnant."  
  
Celeborn stared at her with a 'you're on pipe weed' look on his face, but once he looked at Legolas again, he realised it was true.  
  
"But... how?" Celeborn asked in a shocked and amazed tone.  
  
"Well, I was kind of hoping you'd tell me that part..." Legolas said, looking up at them hopefully through his eyelashes.  
  
"I'm sorry Legolas," said Galadriel. The hope drained from Legolas's eyes, "But I'm as puzzled as you are as to how or why this has came to be, but I shall endevour to find out for you."  
  
Aragorn let out a sigh of relief; Galadriel didnt seem to know, nor care about who the father of the child was.  
  
"By the way Legolas, are you aware of who the father is?" Galadriel asked as she turned to lead him out to find some research material. Aragorn, who was about to follow, quickly stopped and turned around to walk away in the opposite direction while muttering curses under his breath.  
  
"Well Galadriel, it is not of that much importance really - lets just focus on finding out how this is possible first before discussing the matter of who the father is," Legolas said trying to sound casual, but failing miserably and sounding quite nervous indeed. He really didnt need Galadriel finding out that Aragorn was the father - his father being severely angry he could deal with, even Elrond on his case he could handle - but an all powerful *female* Sorceress, who possesses one of the three Elven rings? No... that he could NOT deal with, nor did he have any desire to try to.  
  
Galadriel eyed him suspiciously, but decided not to push him into answering. Being given one of the three Elven rings she could handle, learning that her daughter Celebrían was going to marry Elrond, she could deal with - but an annoyed pregnant male Elf? No, even a Sorceress has her limits.  
  
"Okay, follow me," Galadriel said as she lead them out of the chamber, and up some stairs. She then lead them along a corridor. And then up some more stairs. And then down some stairs. And then around a corner. And then through a hidden passageway. And then down some more stairs. Needless to say, when they finally got to where they were going, they had no idea where they were, nor how to get back.  
  
And where they were going was to the Library Of Lórien; one of the biggest libraries in Middle Earth, second only to the Library of Gondor infact. But, as none of you have been there, and so dont know how big that library is... lets just say it's pretty damn big.  
  
When they entered the library, they were immediately approached by one of the librarians.  
  
"Mae govennan!" the librarian greeted them, but upon noticing Aragorn, she reverted to the common tongue. She couldnt be blamed really - he was human, and she didnt know that he'd actually been raised by Elves, and therefore spoke Elvish fluently.  
  
"Hello, my name is Alquawen, are you looking for anything specific in the library?" she asked in a sweet and bubbly voice.  
  
Legolas and Aragorn were too busy staring up and around the large space that was the Library to notice Alquawen speaking. Galadriel nodded to her, "Books on Elvish biology and reproduction; we have a somewhat unusual problem that needs explaining."  
  
Alquawen nodded with a slightly puzzled look, and lead the group of three (well, four really, if you include the baby) to the biology section of the Library. After a quick glance around the shelves, she found what she was looking for.  
  
"A-ha!" she pulled a book from the shelf. It was a very big book; Alquawen needed to use both hands to lift it, and that was with her Elven strength. On the front of the tan leather bound book were the words "Advanced Elven Biology - Reproduction" written in Quenya (it's a very old book) in a fancy golden script.  
  
"Ooohh, thats a pretty cover!" Legolas commented as he took a seat at one of the research tables. He sat still for less than 5 seconds. He was almost immediately fidgeting, and glancing around uncomfortably with a frown on his face. Aragorn gave him a funny look.  
  
"What is it?" the man asked as he took a seat next to Legolas.  
  
Legolas looked around once more before leaning over to Aragorn and quietly asking, "Do you know where the toilet is in this place?" Fortunately, he didnt ask it quiet enough in order for Aragorn to be the only person to hear it - Alquawen over heard him.  
  
"Oh, the toilet is this way, follow me," the young Elf took Legolas by the hand, and gently pulled him to his feet. She then lead him off in the direction of the toilets, leaving Aragorn alone with Galadriel.  
  
Galadriel scanned the shelves once more and pulled out a large book labelled "Unusual and Rare Medical and Health Problems." She then took a seat opposite Aragorn at the table. She handed him a book to read through.  
  
Aragorn was half way down the second page when Legolas returned with a bounce in his step, and sat down next to Aragorn - though not before giving the human's shoulders a quick squeeze.  
  
Aragorn raised an eyebrow at the bouncy Elf, "You seem... cheerful," he said in an amused tone.  
  
Legolas just smiled and picked a book off the pile infront of him. He quickly scanned through the first few pages, barely reading a word, before lightly snapping the book closed and throwing it gently back onto the table. He then leaned back in his chair, and swung his legs around, and over the arm rest so he was facing Aragorn. He then moved his right hand onto his stomach and gently felt the slight bump.  
  
Now, I feel there is a little explanation in order about Elven physiology. Elven pregnancies are MUCH shorter than Human ones; they're 2/3 the length. This means that Elven pregnancies last 6 months. Now Legolas got knocked up in November - it's now Febuary. So, although Legolas is actually 3 months pregnant, it's more like 4 and a half months pregnant in human terms.  
  
Legolas frowned, "I'm going to need to go shopping," he stated.   
  
"Why?" Aragorn asked, glancing up from his book having heard that word dreaded by males in this world and the next: "shopping"  
  
Legolas rolled his eyes and pointed at his stomach, "Why do you think?"  
  
"Ooohh, right," Aragorns eyes lit up with realisation. He also decided that not offering help and money would result in grevious bodily harm. "Do you need any money to buy the stuff with? And do you want me to help you carry what you buy?"  
  
Galadriel raised an eyebrow, but kept quiet.  
  
Legolas scoffed at Aragorns remark, "I am a Prince, Aragorn! I have *plenty* of money with which to buy clothes for myself, and clothes for the baby, but I do accept your offer of help." The Elven Prince smiled at Aragorn.   
  
Aragorn smiled in return, and turned his gaze back to the book.  
  
'Maybe Aragorn wont make so much of a bad father after all?' Legolas thought to himself. As soon as he'd done it, he knew he'd made a mistake. Legolas's fear filled eyes turned to Galadriel as his mouth opened as if to say something, though no sound was made. He was in deep trouble, though Aragorn was in much more - He'd thought about who the father was in the presence of Galadriel.  
  
Galadriel's eyes widened in realisation, and her mouth dropped open in shock. Her eyes turned from Legolas's and met with a puzzled Aragorn's eyes.  
  
"What?" the man asked cluelessly.  
  
Legolas turned to him, his eyes bright blue eyes filled to the brim with fear, and he shouted "RUN ARAGORN!"  
  
******  
  
TBC... *laughs manically* oh yes, a cliffie... R&R! :) 


	7. Chapter 7

******  
  
Impossible Circumstances  
by TigerBabe  
  
******  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing, I am but a poor student, who lives off beans on toast. Suing me would be pointless... unless you want to deprive me of my beans on toast.   
  
Authors Notes & Warnings: Slash (A/L) resulting in male pregnancy (lol!), and some bad language. Proof of the fact I have a warped sense of humour.   
  
Last night... at about 1am... as I lay in bed... inspiration struck. After originally trying to shrug it off so I could actually get some sleep, I gave in to temptation, and pulled out my fan fiction binder. From that, I pulled out my book labelled "Impossible Circumstances" and turned to a fresh page. I then began to write... and I wrote a fair amount... this is the result of my insomnia...  
  
******  
  
Aragorn looked at Legolas as if he had two heads. What on Middle Earth was the father/mother/whatever of his child on about?  
  
Legolas let out an exasperated sign through his panicked cries, "For Valar's sake, Aragorn, RUN!"  
  
Aragorn's look on puzzlement was fixed on his face. He decided to look to Galadriel to see if she had any clue why Legolas was acting so strangely. As his eyes met with the Elven Sorceress, he realised.  
  
Galadriel's eyes were popping out of her head and she was spluttering indignantly. This could only mean one thing in Aragorn's mind. Galadriel *knew*.  
  
Not wanting to stick around to find out exactly how Galadriel had found out, or how she was going to kill him, Aragorn stood and ran for it.  
  
He soon realised he hadn't a clue as to how to get out of the library, so he retraced his steps and went to face Galadriel.  
  
He walked painfully slowly down an isle toward where Galadriel and Legolas were, and was just turning the corner when a book came flying out of nowhere, and smacked him square in the face. He quickly stepped (or rather, jumped) back to avoid more projectiles being thrown at him.  
  
"ARAGORN, SON OF ARATHORN, GET YOUR BACKSIDE OUT HERE *NOW*" Galadriel's voice came from round the corner, and struck fear and terror into the heart of the Ranger.   
  
Reluctantly, Aragorn stepped out from behind the book stack, and into Galadriel's line of fire. He braced himself, expecting to be hit with a volley of books, incredibly big books. Luckily for Aragorn, no books were thrown. Instead, there was an eerie silence.  
  
Possible curses Galadriel could have placed on him ran through his mind as he gingerly lifted his head and opened his eyes to look in Galadriel and Legolas's direction. What he saw when he looked both surprised, relieved and horrified him.  
  
Galadriel, Legolas, and a pile of traditional Elven wedding books.  
  
Galadriel looked up with a smile on her face. The smile bordered on happy and sardonic. Aragorn didn't know where or not he should stay, or try his luck at running all the way to Gondor without any supplies, and locking himself in the Citadel, with heavily armed guards.   
  
"I've decided that I'm going to forgive you for betraying my Grand daughter, and for getting a male Elven prince pregnant," Aragorn let out a sigh of relief; he'd thought he was in deep trouble then! "On one condition," Galadriel continued. Aragorn felt his heart sink, "You and Legolas marry during your stay here in Lothlórien," Aragorn's sprits rose slightly - that wouldn't be so bad, would it? "And you, Aragorn, shall wear the wedding dress."  
  
Aragorn gaped at Galadriel. He hadn't expected that one. He was about to protest when he heard sniggering coming from the direction of the Elven prince. He looked at Legolas, who was covering his mouth with his had, while laughing, sniggering, and tears were rolling down his face. The Ranger couldn't think of anything to say to Legolas, so he just scowled at his Elven lover.  
  
"Havo dad, Aragorn," Legolas said through his laughter, gesturing to the seat next to him. Aragorn flopped down into the seat dejectedly.  
  
Galadriel and Legolas started flicking through the books, looking at the various dresses and commenting on which Aragorn would look best in; the original purpose of their time in the library completely and utterly forgotten, much to Aragorn's dismay. Aragorn sat and sulked the entire time.  
  
"Have you had any ideas about what you're going to call the child?" Galadriel asked them both after a while.  
  
The two men just blinked at her in reply.  
  
"Riiight, I'll take that as a no then... Legolas only has 3 months left before he gives birth, and believe me that'll fly by, and the concept of naming the child hasn't even crossed your minds? Aragorn, I can understand, as he's been quite stupid lately, but you Legolas? You haven't even thought about it?" Galadriel asked incredulously.  
  
Legolas started to explain that the whole fighting thing and trying to focus on the One Ring of power had been slightly preoccupying his mind. Aragorn on the other hand, began to ponder on a name.  
  
"How about Gilraen?" Aragorn suggested.  
  
"That's a horrible name!" Legolas exclaimed, and he stuck his tongue out in disgust.  
  
Aragorn narrowed his eyes at the pregnant man, "It was my mothers name," his voice was almost dangerous.  
  
Legolas laughed nervously, "Did I say disgusting? I mean beautiful, really beautiful... but not something I'd like to call me child."  
  
"Also," Galadriel butted in, "You don't know if the child will be a boy or a girl, so you need to decide on both a boys name, and a girls name... oh, and what if you have twins, or triplets?" Both Legolas and Aragorn paled at the prospect of a multiple birth, "I'd suggest writing a list of names, that's what I did with my daughter Celebrían."  
  
Legolas smiled at Galadriel, ignoring the possibility of twins or triplets for the moment, "Thanks, I'll make a list... but do you have any suggestions?" he asked.  
  
"Well," Galadriel started, pondering as she spoke, "How about Celebamrûn?"  
  
"'Silver sunrise'?" Legolas said, "It's pretty, sure, but I'd like something a bit more... practical, if you know what I mean."  
  
"Something normal?" Galadriel laughed, "Legolas, your child is the child of the Prince Of Mirkwood, and the future King of Gondor, assuming Aragorn is a lot smarter than I'm beginning to think he is," Aragorn glared at her. Galadriel ignored him, "And, the child will be half Elven, and to top that, born of two men. Normal will just not be possible for it." Galadriel's voice softened sympathetically as she finished speaking.  
  
Legolas sighed and looked down at his swollen belly, "I guess you're right," he said sorrowfully.  
  
Galadriel laughed, "Of course I'm right! I'm always right!"  
  
Galadriel continued to speak to the couple, talking about how their wedding ceremony would be, what they would wear (she was seriously considering making Aragorn wear a purple floral wedding dress), about the Rings, about the guests... about everything, except how Legolas is pregnant in the first place.  
  
******  
  
TBC... was that short? That was short, I'm sorry... shall write more ASAP! :) 


	8. Chapter 8

******  
  
Impossible Circumstances  
by TigerBabe  
  
******  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing, I am but a poor student, who lives off beans on toast. Suing me would be pointless... unless you want to deprive me of my beans on toast.   
  
Authors Notes & Warnings: Slash (A/L) resulting in male pregnancy (lol!), and some bad language. Proof of the fact I have a warped sense of humour.   
  
Well, it's about time I updated isnt it?!  
  
******  
  
Legolas practically skipped into the clearing where the Fellowship had set camp. At the first sign of the pregnant prince, the Hobbits crashed to the floor and feigned sleep.  
  
Boromir looked up at Legolas with an arched eyebrow. "You seem... cheerful," he stated.  
  
Legolas just tossed him a smile as he bounced over to where the Hobbits lay.   
  
"Frodo? Sam? Wake up! Pippin? Merry?" he shook the little Hobbits to wake them up, "It's 3 in the afternoon, what are you doing asleep? Wake up!"  
  
Reluctantly, the Hobbits opened their eyes and looked up at Legolas. They had become weary of when Legolas was like this, as it usually resulted in either painfully tight hugs, or mothering.  
  
Legolas however turned from them once he saw they were awake, and picked up a small stone off the ground. He threw the stone across the clearing, and a loud clunk was heard as it hit Gimli's helmet.  
  
"Gimli! Your attention is needed!" Legolas called over with his musical voice. Apparently not noticing Gimli's death glare, he glanced around once more to ensure he had everyone's attention.  
  
Smiling as he noted that all eyes were upon him, he placed a hand on his hip, and gestured back the way he came.   
  
"I have something to announce, but it would be best if we wait for Aragorn to catch up," he said as he bounced lightly where he stood.  
  
Then, the thunderstorm that was Aragorn hit the clearing. The vibe the King-to-be was giving off made even Gimli flinch. Aragorn was clearly in, what can only be described as a bad mood. Legolas however was in too good a mood to care.  
  
Smiling brightly, the Elven prince linked arms with Aragorn and announced proudly, "We're getting married!"  
  
There was a moment of silence - or shock - before all four Hobbits launched themselves onto the soon-to-be-married couple.  
  
Gimli and Boromir exchanged a glance, before Boromir smirked and turned to Aragorn.  
  
Aragorn glared at Boromir. Boromir smirked some more.  
  
"Really?" Boromir asked, "Got a date set yet?"  
  
"Well," Legolas began, "Galadriel has decided to sort out all the arrangements, so sometime before we leave Lothlórien at least," he smiled happily, "We spent the afternoon looking at dresses and different floral arrangements."  
  
"Dresses?" Boromir asked with a puzzled look on his face, "But you're male..."  
  
"But I'm also pregnant - dresses are much more comfortable anyway," Legolas brushed it off lightly, "Besides, Galadriel is making Aragorn wear a dress as punishment for cheating on Arwen with me," he finished lightly.  
  
Boromir blinked once. Then twice. And then he burst out laughing. As did Gimli. And Pippin. And Frodo. And Merry and Sam. Aragorn glared.  
  
"It's not bloody funny!" he shouted, before pouting. Unfortunately, this didnt quite have the desired effect on the others (the pout was probably where he went wrong), and they just laughed even harder.  
  
Legolas scowlled at them all, "Leave Aragorn alone, he'll look absolutely gorgeous for our wedding," he said as he turned dreamy eyed.  
  
The rest of the Fellowship stopped laughing - or at least, did their best to. Pregnant-Legolas was not one to upset.  
  
Boromir coughed, "Well, it'll certianly be a day to remember."  
  
Aragorn glared at him. Boromir sniggered quietly.  
  
"Well of course it will! It's our wedding!" Legolas emphasised the 'our' with a squeeze of Aragorn's arm, "And," he took a deep breath, and bit his lip lightly. Toeing the ground as he looked down nervously, he asked, "I'd like you all to be bridesmaids."  
  
Pippin perked up at this while everyone else paled.  
  
"Oooh, does tha' mean we get t' wear dresses?" he asked, a little too hopefully about it.  
  
"If you want, I'm not going to force you into anything... I just want you all to be a part of it," Legolas replied with a pleading smile.  
  
"I'll wear a dress," Pippin announced cheerfully.  
  
"Oh, go on then, me too," Frodo added.  
  
Merry, Sam, Boromir and Gimli backed away.  
  
"I could be an usher?" Boromir offered.  
  
"Me too!" both Merry and Gimli called at the same time.  
  
"Uuh, can I be a pageboy?" Sam asked.  
  
Legolas's eyes lit up and his grin grew even wider. "Yes, yes, of course! Oooh, I'm so happy!" he exclaimed as he bounced around like a bunny rabbit on some form of illegally aquired substance, which no rabbit should be able to get their hands on, for fear of jumping into orbit by accident.   
  
He went around hugging and kissing the other members of the fellowship, while they congratulated him on the engagement.  
  
Aragorn watched Legolas with a smile as he got all excited. 'Hmm, maybe this isnt so bad after all,' he thought to himself. Then the image of a purple floral wedding dress flooded his mind. He shuddered, and his glare returned. 'Elves are evil' he scowlled to himself.  
  
******  
  
TBC... sorry it was so short, but I've just started back at college, and I've got the flu... generally not a good combination, but it makes me rather insane and crazy like, which is quite good for this sort of story :D Look out for more updates soon-ish... 


	9. Chapter 9

******  
  
Impossible Circumstances  
by TigerBabe  
  
******  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing, I am but a poor student, who lives off beans on toast. Suing me would be pointless... unless you want to deprive me of my beans on toast.   
  
Authors Notes & Warnings: Slash (A/L) resulting in male pregnancy (lol!), and some bad language. Proof of the fact I have a warped sense of humour.   
  
I'm *very* sorry for how long it's taken for me to update, but as I put in my bio to let you know, I've been so busy at college, and I've had so much work to do, including alot of stuff due in just two weeks now! So, in otherwords, I'm knee deep in work! Fortunately, the first half of chapter came to me when I had a 9 hour train journey... and oh, how much fun that was, LOL... and then the rest has been in the workings for a week or two... lemme tell you, college just drains in inspiration out of you... I've also actually managed to get a fair bit down for Fellowship of the Fangirls, but that needs a fair bit of work (and actually needs to be typed up) - so I'm hoping to have that updated soon aswell...  
  
******  
  
With the planning well underway, Aragorn was finally starting to look forward to the wedding. Of course, that vile, disgusting, ugly monstrocity of purple velvery and pink floral lace that both Galadriel and Legolas had had the nerve to call a dress kept the thought of "maybe this isnt such a good idea after all," fresh in his head.  
  
Aragorn stared at the dress. But the dress... well, actually, he wasnt sure whether or not it was staring back at him; the horrible thing looked as if it was alive, or at least posessed - some of that lace trimming sure looked like eyes. He sighed and averted his gaze (which was definately a good thing to do; much more staring at that thing and he'd go blind). He looked instead at the door, behind which everyone as waiting to see how the dress fit... or possibly to mock him, he wasnt sure.   
  
Giving up on his ideas of escape (which he'd already attempted. He almost got all the way out of the tiny window of the dressing room, before Haldir and his brothered shoved him back in and locked it. Apparently Galadriel had taken into consideration the possibility of Aragorn running off, and placed guards outside the window), the future King picked up the dress. Giving off one last shudder of disgust, he began to get changed.  
  
  
******  
~On the other side of said door~  
******  
  
"Whats taking him so long?" Legolas asked.. well, whinged is more accurate. He'd been in a very childish mood today. And no kids like to be kept waiting.  
  
"He's only been in there five minutes, Legolas! And the first three of those were spent trying to push him back in after he got stuck in the window frame trying to escape..." Noting the glare coming from the pregnant Elf, Boromir stopped talking.  
  
  
******  
~Back inside the Dressingroom~  
******  
  
Aragorn had finally stripped down to his underwear, and was contemplating how on earth to approach the daunting task of actually getting that dress on. He picked it up and looked at it.  
  
"Mm, shouldnt be too difficult," he muttered to himself, as he began examining the dress, looking for a way to get it on. All the layers in the dress made it rather difficult to find the correct way to pull it over his head. After a couple of minutes, he gave up entirely, and had a look at the corset instead (made specially to fit him, of course). After a few head scratching moments, he gave up on that aswell.  
  
"Legolas!" he called through the door.  
  
"What? Are you ready yet?" an irritated voice came though to him.  
  
"You you be a dear, and give me a hand please?" Aragorn asked in a sweet voice as he opened the door carefully, just enough to grab Legolas's wrist, and pull him through into the dressingroom.  
  
Legolas took one look at Aragon standing there in his underwear, pointing at the dress with a bewildered expression on his face, and did what any normal, irritated, pregnant male Elf would do. He burst out laughing.  
  
Aragorn glared it him. "It's not funny," he ground out.  
  
Legolas sniggered. "Of course not," he coughed to stop himself from laughing. "What are you after help with?" he asked, putting his, 'I am a serious Elf, oh yes' voice on.  
  
"I cant figure out how I'm supposed to get into this dress," Aragorn answered with a blush on his cheeks (oh yes, Rangers blush, but only when they ask really, really, REALLY stupid questions).  
  
Legolas rolled his eyes. "Oh, it's easy Aragorn! Stand here," he said pointing to the middle of the room. He picked up the dress and unlaced the back of the corset, and skirt. "Arms out," Legolas instructed as he moved to slip the dress up Aragorns arms. He pulled it round, and then went behind Aragorn. Pushing him gently, he made Aragorn stand with his hands on the wall, as he pulled the corset tight, and laced it up. He then began to fasten the skirt. After tying the red ribbon on the back in a large bow, he stepped back, letting Aragorn know he was done.  
  
"That was quick," Aragorn commented. "How did you know how to do that so quickly?"  
  
"I have a couple of sisters," Legolas said with a shrug. "I can also do makeup, and style hair. Talking of which, there's gonna be ALOT to do with your hair," he finished with afrown as he closely studied Aragorn's hair.  
  
Aragorn backed away with wide eyes, "Like what? You better not think about cutting it..." he said in a panicky voice.  
  
"Well, I was thinking more along the lines of 'wash it', but now you mention it, cutting it would be quite a good idea..," Legolas paused for a second before continuing, "But anyway, everyone's outside, and we dont wanna keep them waiting! You look great!" Legolas said in a gushing voice.  
  
Before Aragorn could say anything else, Legolas whipped open the dressingroom door, and pushed Aragorn out into the waiting crowd.  
  
******  
  
A stunned silence filled the room as Aragorn stood there, glaring for all he was worth at the gathered people. They all shared quick glances before turning back to Aragorn, to comment on the outfit.  
  
"Well, uh," Boromir started before his words dried up.  
  
"Yeah, definately," Gimli nodded.  
  
Merry glanced sideways at the dress "It's very..."  
  
"Different," Pippin finished.  
  
"I would've said, 'very purple'," Sam interupted.  
  
Frodo shook his head, "There's too much pink for you to say that, Sam."  
  
Aragorn glared.  
  
Legolas bounced out of the room behind him, and flashed his winning smile at everyone. "Doesnt he look great!?" he Elf said happily.   
  
Everyone stared at him like he had two heads.  
  
"Uuh, yeah," Frodo said, afraid to disagree with Legolas, just in case.  
  
Everyone turned and stared at Frodo.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Nevermind," Boromir said. Turning back to look at Aragorn, he winced slightly. 'Nyargh,' he thought, 'what kind of devilry can create such a vile thing, and then call it a dress? Nyargh.'  
  
Pippin, being the brave Hobbit that he is (or possibly just being stupid, your call), decided to inspect the dress closer. He took a few steps forward, and had a good look at the dress. Reaching out, he felt the material (or at least, some of it - there were a few different types used in the dresss). "What's it made out of?" he asked wearily.  
  
Galadriel decided to answer. She'd been observing everyone's reactions - she'd already seen the dress; she had to commission it specially, as no dress makers this side of Mordor would make a dress *that* ugly without having a Sorceress to force them. So she knew exactly what it was made of.  
  
"Well, Pippin, that piece you've got a hold of there is some fine Mirkwood silk, some of the best there is," she gestured to the side of where he was standing, "That bit there, just next to your hand, the other side, yeah, there, that's some lace, got it from Rohan a couple of centuries ago," she went on to describe a few other materials, including a couple that no-one else had even heard of. When she was finished, she asked if anyone had any other questions.  
  
"Aye, I've got a question," Pippin said, looking up at her, "... are the bridesmaids dresses gonnae be like this?"  
  
Galadriel laughed, "No, dont worry Pippin, the bridesmaids dresses are going to be in usual Elvish style, Mirkwood silk again, and some lace, but none of the other materials, and they're going to be shades of blue, is that okay?"  
  
Pippin, and Frodo, let out audiable sighs of relief, "Thank the Valar for that," Pippin muttered, "That will be great!" he said, more loudly so everyone could hear him, "When do we get to try them out?"  
  
"Well, they're still being made, they should be finished by tomorrow hopefully, then the Wedding itself can take place in 5 days time," she said, turning to Legolas and Aragorn, "Is that acceptable to you?"  
  
Legolas nodded enthusiastically, and Aragorn nodded in a much more defeated looking way. Poor Ranger.  
  
Aragorn looked up at Galadriel with pleading eyes, "Can I go get changed now?" he asked.   
  
"Mm, okay, but be quick about it, we have other things to sort out, aswell as research into the matter of Legolas's condition," she told him quickly.  
  
Legolas snorted, "I'm pregnant, it's not 'a condition', it's a perfectly natural thing."  
  
Galadriel looked over at him exasperatedly, "It's only perfectly natural when it's a woman who's pregnant," he said.  
  
Legolas blushed a little, "Oh yeah."  
  
"Yup, and I'm off," Aragorn said, hopping into the dressingroom, leaving everyone standing around outside.  
  
Just after he stepped into the room, and locked it behind him, he heard footsteps running toward the door.  
  
"Lady Galadriel, Prince Legolas!" Haldir's voice came shouting at them as he approached at quite a high speed.  
  
"What is it?" both Legolas and Galadriel turned and asked at the same time.  
  
"I've just found out some information about what, well, about how Legolas, y'know, got pregnant," he said, gesturing wildly at the pregnant Prince, with his eyes wide, and out of breath.  
  
"Speak quickly!" Legolas said - well, almost shouted. It was the first possible lead he had come across so far, so he was quite interested. Behind him, it sounded like someone had fell over in the dressingroom - which, was actually true; Aragorn had been changing, and slipped and fell when he heard what Haldir said. He was just a bit shocked though, he wasnt hurt, so dont worry.  
  
"Well, my, uh, friend, yeah, my friend came over to me when I was standing on guard outside the dressingroom window," Haldir said rapidly, "he said that he'd heard some information at the bar we go to," he paused and blushed furiously.  
  
"Which bar?" Legolas asked.  
  
"Lothsilivren[1]," Haldir mumbled in reply.  
  
Legolas looked a little confused, and looked at Galadriel.  
  
"Lothsilivren is a gay bar, though I dont know why Haldir is blushing, everyone knows he practically lives there," Galadriel said with an unlady-like snort.  
  
Haldir continued to blush.  
  
Legolas laughed a little, before continuing, "What information did you hear?"  
  
Haldir looked around, and frowned, "Should we not wait for Aragorn to come out of the dressingroom?" he asked.  
  
"Nah, dont worry about him, tell me," Legolas said.  
  
"Well, this is what I heard..."  
  
******  
  
TBC, 'cause I'm evil. Mwhahahaa!!  
  
[1] Lothsilivren, Sindarin, means 'Glittering Flower'. 


End file.
